My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
