i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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