fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
