She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
