There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Porn is love you can see.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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