I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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