I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
