did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
