The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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