I think I won the penis lottery.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
