drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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