Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
