I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
