Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
