The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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