My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
