Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
