end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
