The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
