i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
