am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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