No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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