john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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