No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
