imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
