He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
