You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
