Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
