It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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