Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
