Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
