I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
