it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
