im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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