All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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