Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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