Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
