Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
