finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
