He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
