just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize