I just cut my nipple shaving
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize