Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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