dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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