Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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