Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
