Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
