I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
