So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
