You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
