goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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