remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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