My hand turned me down
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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