I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
