Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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