im about as happy as oj after his trial
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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