i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
