The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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