He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
