so explain again why im purple
no
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
