turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
