I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
