doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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