I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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