Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
