I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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